is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
