I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
