Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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