I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
