...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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