I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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