she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
