So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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