i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize