he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
