i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
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There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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