I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Can you rollerblade?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.