I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.