My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
