and my herpes radar will keep us safe
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??