What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody