So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
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Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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