I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult