I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'll put lettuce on them
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on