And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
