So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
