what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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