your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
