Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
