Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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