like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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