I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
