I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
