you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
