I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
