If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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