so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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