she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
