Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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