i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.