Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends