I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen