Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.