dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
im so drunk with asians
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself