he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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