Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
