was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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