i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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