Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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