the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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