His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
