Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
