from now on my penis is your penis
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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