Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
