I accidentally burped into my bong.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
