it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
