I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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