it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
