flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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