dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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