So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
