East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
