my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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