im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
