this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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