Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
