she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
