At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
