Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
