So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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