I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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