no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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