I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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