Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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