Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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