My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
