First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm peeing on your house...you up?