You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
