I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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