I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
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Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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