I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
