I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
