My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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