He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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