he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
third nipple confirmed
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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