dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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