We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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